Monday, February 27, 2012

December 12, 2001


Time is a perplexing thing. ..Created for us to use in our lives as a standard… It’s gauge to measure where we’ve been and how we did , as well as how we will do in where we are headed…We wake up every morning left with only the mental images of the days before,never realizing that in those moments our memories are being created right in front of us.. Time was given to us as a way of stamping these memories with a signature.. A signature much like the one in the title of this ..

Dates are the way that we signify the importance of a particular moment in time. The importance of these dates vary as much as they are many , although we do share plenty of mutually important dates as people. The reality is that each day has its own significance to us because each of us have our own lives and our own moments.. Our own time.. Our own signature.

I cant remember off the top of my head the date of the day I learned to ride a bike , or the day I dove off the diving board..I don’t remember my the date I learned to play an instrument. When I really think back , many of these great moments in my life - moments that sculpted me , and defined me - don’t have a date . Although they are as clear to me as yesterday - I don’t know the dates of these pivotal moments . Does that mean they have no importance?..Of course not. It means that I am defined by something MORE than these moments. Something MORE than things I have done. Something MORE than ME.

I remember clearly the date of the day I gave myself to my wife and became her husband.. and I remember clearly both of the dates of the day that I became a father ..I remember these days and dates because they required something of me. On these dates I was required to not only think of myself anymore , but to shift my focus and to the someone else s best interest’s above my own..to become Selfless.. But if the act of selflessness is the thing that qualifies a a time signature , then there is one date above all.

On December 11, 2001 I had been studying the bible with a man who is now a dear friend . He ,myself and my wife had been studying together for about a month. On this day I was in an “undone state”. I was undone because of my selfishness.. I had broken vows to my marriage..and I had broken vows as a father… My addictions had taken over and I was ,in fact - as broken as one could be…

I was a complete failure of a human being..

During our month long study I FOUGHT with ALL my might that there was no God and that this life was futile.. That there was no way possible that all of this had a meaning or that there was a bigger picture than we can see with our eyes..That IF there was a God there is no way that he loved his creation enough to DIE for it because there was NO WAY that I could be LOVED THAT MUCH …because after all I had done , I was completely unlovable..It seemed impossible.

So on December 11,2001 - I was still “undone”..

The next day I woke up with a different mind. I woke up thinking about the same thing I had the night before ..and the night before that and the night before that.. but for some reason on this day- It was different. I had been presented undeniable evidence and the desire to keep fighting it all of a sudden came to a halt.This desire to fight the truth was coming from a selfish place.. A place that had not served me well by that point in my life and was going to keep me right where I was. I HAD to let that part of me go.. So for the next several hours ,for the first time ever in MY life - I spoke to God.

I told him how tired I was , and that I was sorry for who I had become.. I told him that I was done with that life.. I wanted a new one.

Within an hour , I once more gave myself to something MORE than me.. I gave myself to God in Baptism and left that part of me that had hurt so many that I loved - including myself - dead in the water…On December 12,2001 - God put his OWN signature on me.. and he now calls me SON… because I am loved THAT MUCH…

The roaring lion of selfishness and suddenly grown quiet and the silence of a clear conscience was deafening.. In THAT moment I was no longer “Undone”..

This date IS my defining moment above all others…because in this moment a change began that continues still to this day . A change that has made every aspect of my life better , my relationships stronger and my responsibility greater…

You see I tell you all this , because I was told the truth and I listened …

It is my hope that if you haven’t listened to the truth , that you will… Because every passing moment is another opportunity to turn it all around..Today could just be the date that YOU remember above all others..

The invitation to study the bible is still open ;)

Read Ecclesiastes 3 and Hebrews 4:16

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